The Sensitive Guy’s Guide to Essential Oils

                                          SI…

                                          SImple Rule Of Thumb: Anything In A Cobalt Blue Bottle Is Good

By Vincent Thomas, "The Sensitive Guy"

By Vincent Thomas, "The Sensitive Guy"

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My partner Cytheria and I recently celebrated 10 years of blissful union. If there is any single factor I could attribute to the longevity of our nurturing, empowering and fertile partnership it would not be my uncanny prowess at really, really listening to, as well as verbally acknowledging, her feelings without proffering even a modicum of unsolicited advice. Nor would it be my chipper and cheerful willingness to go antiquing, attend the opera or watch Sense and Sensibility yet again—even when the playoffs are on. Nor could I even point to my astute and inexhaustible bedside coaching during the birth of each of our eleven children over the past nine years. No, I think the one thing that undecidedly won my beloved’s hand and still holds it fast today through her current pregnancy is my passion for essential oils. All of our children—Frankincense, Cinnamon, Bergemot,  Neroli, Jasmine, Juniper, Chamomile, Basil, Marjoram, Germanium and adorable, little Ylang-ylang were named in deference to the aromatic oil that inspired each child’s creation. And lest some of you think of me as a Philistine for keeping my partner barefoot and pregnant, I would just like to remind the reader that besides being a full-time mother, my dearest Cytheria  is also the sole breadwinner in our family, a position I wholeheartedly support with words of encouragement  now and again.

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     A little encouragement is also what any self-respecting sensitive guy needs to navigate the intimidating and sometimes bewildering array of essential oils and essential oil-based products. I will keep it simple and recommend that these six basic oils be included in your quiver:

The Sensitive Guy’s Six Pack

Clove Oil- Smells good. Aphrodisiac.

Neroli Oil- Smells good. Aphrodisiac.

Basil Oil- Smells good. Aphrodisiac.

Rose Oil- Smells good. Aphrodisiac.

Jasmine Oil-Smells good. Aphrodisiac.

Ylang-ylang Oil- Smells good. Aphrodisiac.

I will also offer these ten simple rules of thumb, culled from my years of experience, that should help even the most squeamish neophyte purchase oil and infusions like a pro.

Ten Things Every Sensitive Guy Should Know About Essential Oils and Essential Oil Byproducts

  1. Buy anything that comes in a cobalt blue bottle, period.
  2. You can judge an oil by its label. British is good. French is better. And if the label contains Her Majesty’s Seal and a French inscription, it is the best of all.
  3. Anything preceded  by “Le” is good.
  4. If you wish to blend your own massage oils, under no circumstances should you use Cod Liver Oil, 3 in 1 Oil or Mel-Fry.
  5. Olive oil makes an excellent binder, but stay away from all garlic-infused olive oils unless, of course your partner needs to repel vampires.
  6. Never, ever use Patchouli Oil. As one Dead Head said to the other when they ran out of pot, “Hey man, this band really stinks.” So does Patchouli. The sensitive guy recognizes even the smallest whiff of Patchouli could evoke a memory from his partner’s life that should perhaps best remain forgotten.
  7. You may purchase confidently and freely from any merchant whose interior appointments are French provincial.
  8. Common lard, generic oleo or even, “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter,” may be used as a medium for fragrant hair pomades or massage butters provided you transfer them to cobalt blue glass containers first (See #1).
  9. Gardenia Oil is fine if your partner is at least 80 years of age or older.
  10.  “My, what a healthy glow you have.” Avoid all essential oils manufactured in the  Cheyrnobal region for at least the next 2000 years.

    That’s it for now. May your bathwater  be aromatic, your massages gently scented and your vicissitudes always well-oiled.

Until next time,

Vincent Thomas
The Sensitive Guy

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